Learning to drive!

It’s what everyone looks forward to when they become a teenager. It’s glamorized in movies and television shows. It’s a sign of freedom! Learning to drive.

It’s supposed to be easy right? Everyone does it. You might get in a few fights with your parents or run over a small curb, but overall pretty simple right? There’s a gas pedal and a brake pedal, and a steering wheel. I’d played mario cart, this would be no big deal.

That was what was going through my head January last year when this whole process started for me. Boy, was I wrong! But, I have to say despite it being much more challenging than I thought, it was definitely worth it, and I think I gained some more patience and confidence in myself because of it.

For some, driving comes naturally and the process actually is as great as it looks in movies, but if that’s not how it went for you or how it’s currently going, don’t worry, you’re not alone! Here’s the good, the bad, and the unrestrained truth of my learning to drive story.

In the very beginning, I started learning the basics of driving with my Dad. Elementary level stuff; “this is the gas”, “this is the break”, “turn the wheel like this”, “no, not that hard!”, and it was really fun and exciting. We would drive around the parking lot of my old middle school when no one was around and play music. I remember being so excited the first time I was able to drive us home on a real road with other cars!

As soon as I completed Aceable (the online driving school taught by a cartoon robot), I got my permit and was ready to start learning the actual driving. My parents and I decided it was best to choose instructor taught instead of parent taught because they wanted a “professional” to teach me the more difficult stuff! If you knew how long it takes my mom to park (backing out, inching up, repeat, repeat), you’d understand!

So, I started taking lessons at Unnamed Driving School, and my instructor was the scariest old lady I’d ever seen. It was honestly a horrible experience. Each lesson was two hours long, which included one hour of me sitting in the back tallying stop lights, listening to another poor soul get chewed out, and trying to calm my own nerves before my turn. As I drove, I would tensely grip the wheel, make a thousand stupid mistakes, and tear up when she hammered me with “where were you looking?!”

I (miserably) completed the first five or so lessons from January to May, and was actually improving slowly. I still felt nervous every time I drove, and when I would practice with my parents we followed the cliche and definitely got in some heated arguments in which my mom would force me to pull over, which only aggravated me more! But, we got through, and I was starting to drive more through the neighborhood. I felt jealous of my other friends who would go and get their license the minuted they turned 16. They made it look so easy, and I felt behind. Then, I fell even more behind. When marching band started up in july, the last thing I wanted to do after being outside for hours and practicing all day was go get yelled at by Mrs. Anonymous-teacher. When school started, that feeling only intensified. It was already stressful to spend all of my time doing school work and marching, and when I had a few hours of free time I wanted to relax and have fun.

I continued to practice and drive places occasionally, but in general driving had turned into a negative part of my life. It became a source of stress and self doubt. I hadn’t experienced being “bad” at something for such a long period of time. Usually I take on a challenge head on and I’m able to get it down with a little help in no time, but this process had already taken months and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel anywhere close. I began thinking that I would never properly learn to drive. I couldn’t even understand how other people were able to have conversations and mess with the radio, and even eat while driving (I know you’re not technically supposed to do that though- I payed attention to the Aceable robot!), meanwhile I could not move a finger off the wheel, or glance away for even a second.

Finally I started taking lessons again and taking it very seriously. I just wanted to be done with this whole process so driving would be fun again, like when I was first learning with my Dad. When I came back to it, something in me clicked. One day my family went to the movies and they asked me to drive home, all of the sudden I had this courage and confidence, which was probably super influenced by the gangster movie we just saw. I was tired of letting the fear take over. Don’t get me wrong, lessons were still awful and I still didn’t know a lot of what I was doing, but I tried not to take my Instructors criticism personally, and kept it all “business”. I had to redo two lessons, because she didn’t feel I had passed them, which was discouraging and embarrassing. But, I kept pushing myself to practice even when it was the last thing I wanted to do, and I started having more breakthroughs. I started parking correctly more times than incorrectly. I even started liking driving on the highway and getting super comfortable with maintaining high speeds.

My goal dates of getting my license continued to pass, and be pushed later and later, which, as a goal-oriented person, made me feel like I was failing on myself. But, in the end this is a skill I’m going to use for the rest of my life, so who cares if I got it in January or June? My Grandma was super sweet and made me feel better by saying she didn’t learn to drive until she was already married to my Grandpa! Everyone has a different story, and there’s no use comparing yourself to others when it’s not even a competition. There are plenty of other things in life that are a competition, so cut yourself some slack on this one.

When I finally passed my last lesson with Mrs. Anonymous-Instructor, a practice version of the real test (that was way more intimidating than the real thing), it felt like a Titanic-sized iceberg was lifted off my shoulders! Rationally, I was grateful for her practically teaching me everything I knew, and I knew I was only super prepared because of how tough she was on me, (but, lets be honest…I’d be perfectly happy if I never saw her again! ) I knew the hardest part was over, and I couldn’t be more relieved!

For about two weeks leading up to the day of my test, I practiced the route I would be taking, and parallel parking numerous times. I was so lucky to have scheduled my test when I did, because COVID broke out right before, and the school ended up closing the day right after I went! Taking my driver’s test was surprisingly one of the most fun parts of the whole experience! I was feeling anxious, but as soon as I got in the car with the instructor, I knew I was going to be fine. He was this big, football coach looking guy with a strong southern accent, and told me how he had just tested a girl who had run over the curb and still passed! When he found out I was in marching band he started spouting off the extensive knowledge he’d collected from all the different kids he’d tested with. He listed off all the bands that were considered good, and even knew some of our rankings at Bands of America competitions! I was pretty impressed, and glad for his chatter, it definitely kept me from thinking about my nerves. I drove through the road smoothly with no problems, and then it was already time to parallel park. It was really different parking in a tiny car when I’d been practicing in my mom’s huge minivan. I was definitely too far from the curb and the instructor was like “this isn’t going too well for you, is it?” He took the wheel, easily parked for me and then it was over. I got a 92% and was finally done…

Well, not completely. Due to my very unlucky timing, I finished just as an unprecedented disease broke out on a global scale, the DPS closed down. Couldn’t corona wait one more week so I could tie up this story with a nice bow and celebrate finally getting my license? Nope! So, I guess I am forced to stretch my patience even further. Although I’m still not a technically licensed driver, I am so proud of myself. All of the stress, and hours of practice are so worth it, and make the reward even sweeter. But, you’ve gotta believe that I am running down to turn in my forms at the DPS the second I am able. And afterwards, I’ll go celebrate by eating out at an actual restaurant! I’m already dreaming of that BJ’s pizookie fresh out of the oven or Chilli’s chips and queso!

All of this is to say that learning to drive was about so much more than just driving for me. It was learning to get through failure, and learning to find new strength, courage, and resilience in myself. I want to encourage anyone struggling right now to know that you should never be embarrassed of what is causing you stress. It doesn’t matter if it seems easy for other people, have grace for yourself, and simply allow yourself to make mistakes. It’s okay! You are stronger than you know, and your future self is so proud of you.